This song parody was inspired by the sitcom Better With You and written from the point of view of the character Casey, who’d never had a commercial Christmas with presents and all the other trimmings.

While there is currently no recording, the song is sung to the tune of “All I Want For Christmas Is You” and you can find Mariah Carey’s original on YouTube, if you’d like to have the music to sing along.

 

I Want Crap for Christmas This Year

Lyrics by Eve Weston

 

I don’t want a lot for Christmas

Iʼd prefer a buttload please

All I care about is presents,

Crap beneath the Christmas tree

Stuff you plug in to turn on

Anything made in Taiwan

My familyʼs not here

I want crap for Christmas this

Year… yea yea

 

I don’t want a lot for Christmas

Iʼd prefer a buttload please

I want tacky decorations

Covering my dead pine tree

Santaʼs sack should be so stuffed he

Knocks the cookies when he pulls;

My Christmas stocking should fall down

Because itʼs way, way too full

I want junk to call my own

Wreaths, tinsel, and mistletoe

My familyʼs not here

I want crap for Christmas this

Year… yea yea

 

Iʼm asking for a tacky snowglobe

Cider poured down my gullet

Toilet paper that starts singing

“Silent Night” when you pull it

Giant antlers for my car that

You can see from far or near

Cheezy Christmas vests for me and

matching sweaters for my beer

My hippie familyʼs in Vermont

Honey, give me all I want

Holidays are near,

And I want crap for Christmas this year

Ooh, I do

 

Give me an iPhone not a

Phone made of tin cans

I want that cultish board game

“Settlers of Catan”

Things with buttons I can push

Candy poop from Santaʼs tush

Give me please the DVD for “Toy Story 3” –

And one Rockband for Nintendo Wii.

 

Oh, I never got normal presents

And the other kids would say

There is a calendar where

You tear off a page-a-day

I want junk to call my own

Wreaths, tinsel, and mistletoe

My familyʼs not here

So, I want crap for Christmas this

Year… yea yea

 

I want crap for Christmas this year, do, too…

I want crap for Christmas this year, I do…

(repeat)